Emotional Riding – Not For Me!

I started today’s ride already a little emotionally exhausted. We gathered the troops and were ready to make the 40 mile loop from Cibolo again. Pete was ready to play with his new power meter. Pete was leading the group and I was sweeping (that’s the nice way of giving me “a job” when I’m going to be the slow one taking up the rear anyway.) For the first three mile stretch, I pushed myself a bit and felt I held a solid 15 mph. However, the numbers from the Garmin show that once I made a turn (which Pete says was into the wind) I slowed to about 13 mph.

Sure enough, as we climb the hill on highway 465, I fall back. I pushed to keep up with the group, but was struggling a bit to catch my breath at times. I shifted up the big hill and as I got to the top, I could feel my breathing in my side. I decided that meant I needed to stop and have some Gu. I also took a moment to clear my nasal passages and catch my breath. Finally able to breathe again we headed out.

As we head out, Laura is confused at how we go 14 miles on this highway before the next turn. I think for a second, because I know we only go about seven miles, and suddenly realize she is reading the wrong column on the cue sheet. I point out that she is reading the “total distance traveled” column, not the distance on the current road column. The light bulb goes off! Now she realizes that the pie shop is 15 miles from the start of the ride on today’s scheduled route. She starts to grumble about the group’s plan to stop at the pie shop when it’s only 15 miles in on a 40 mile ride. I point out that she is not required to stop. It also occurs to me that being a slower rider, she can continue on and the fast-paced riders will catch up with her. I was a little snotty in how I told her she wasn’t required to stop and it got her to stop complaining about the route, map and cue sheet that Pete created for today’s ride.

I continue at my pace down the road and get to thinking over the exchange. I’m a little sorry that I was snotty, but I get frustrated at her constant chatter on the bike. I was interpreting her grumbling as an attack on Pete and got a little defensive. On top of that, it’s not like Pete has to make maps or cue sheets for the group. He could say “this is how we’re going” and then ride at my pace all day and the group would either venture on their own, or be forced to meander along with me.

As we crested the overpass of I-10, I saw two cyclists gaining on us. It took them awhile, but they finally caught me, drafted off of me and then slingshot around. They switched who was pulling who and then I watched them do the same passing trick with Laura. Bastards! If you're strong enough to go that fast, don't draft off of me and make me feel slower too! I had to stop at one point to catch my breath again. I was a bit surprised as this was a flat stretch, but I just got off the bike for a minute and then I was good again. Laura realized I'd fallen back and doubled back to find me. Just as I see her, she hangs a u-turn and continues on the route. I realize that she doubled-back because I was not in sight and she wanted to make sure I was okay and not leave me on my own. That was nice of her. Vicki, Pete and I know that we’ll meet at the pie shop though, and if I have an issue, I won’t be shy to grab the cell phone and holler. And if I can’t, and I don’t show up a the pie shop in a reasonable time, the phone calls will start, or the stronger riders will head out on a search and recovery mission.

We arrive at the pie shop just as the faster ones of our group are heading out. Laura begins grilling them about how far they’re going and which route their taking. Tom offers to wait five minutes for her and let her ride with them. She tells him not to wait on her and heads in to the shop. Then she asks how far we’re all riding today. Vicki tells her we haven’t talked about it yet, so we’re still undecided. At which point Laura disappears outside and we think she leaves to catch the faster group. We were all more focused on who got the restroom first and who was ordering what as we try hard to make anyone ordering grilled food to order first to save time.

Pete decided to hang back with us. As we're all getting on our bikes, Laura comes over and asks how far we’re riding. I tell her we decided on the 36 mile option. In response, she bursts with “well I have to ride with someone. I can’t ride alone, so I’d like to ride with ya’ll!” and jumps on her bike and takes off. I look at Vicki for help. She asks me what just happened. I shrug and tell her what was said. We’re all a bit surprised and stumped by it. I was feeling a bit out of my routine all morning and forgot to stretch before we left. I tried stretching a bit on the bike before the first incline and then noticed my glove was rubbing on my hand. I stopped to adjust my glove and move the tag. That was the last I saw of the group.

This has left me at the back of the pack by enough distance that I can’t see the next rider, so I’m truly on my first solo ride. I try to shrug off the emotional outburst, but I can’t. I know Laura and I haven’t had the best interactions today and part of that is the mood I came out with today. I don’t come out to ride for negative interactions though. I can get plenty of that at work and other circles! One of the things I like about biking is the positive interactions and supportive community. Where did all of this come from? Why haven’t I been able to shake my mood today? Why am I letting her get to me like this? How am I going to fix this so I haven’t damaged my positive cycling activity?

As I rode up the next hill (one where I dropped my chain once) I started to hear some popping as the chain shifted from one gear to the next. It was no longer a smooth shift. The wheels in my head started turning and I figured things out. Clearly, the sleek new Madone was not built to hold my weight and the shifting was the first sign of how I clearly could not cut it as a biker. I decided that even though I didn't have this trouble with the demo bike I rode in June, it was because the demo bike was a triple and I got a compact. That solved, I focused on trying to get through the ride as my emotions were a roller coaster.

My heart rate monitor was going off to it's own tune, and there is no way for me to turn it off. At one point, I was ready to chuck the thing into a field, but I knew the wasn't the solution and tried to just take a deep breath. However, I was still having trouble breathing. I try to keep pedaling, but I can’t. I am drained. I just want to sit on the ground and cry. I look at the time and realize it’s still pretty early in Seattle to call for an emotional pick-me-up. I know Trinity would be there for me, but the last thing I need right now is her freaking out that I’m crying on the side of some country road, on a bicycle, by myself, all the way in Texas.

In hindsight, maybe I should have called her for the emotional reality check. Instead, I stop under my climbing tree and try to gather my composure. Thankfully, I’m in the shade, but it still takes me awhile to stop myself from nearly hyper-ventilating, to clear my nasal passages adequately to continue riding, and to get back on the bike. That episode over, I decided to just take it slow and began contemplating route options to shorten my ride as I was clearly going to be way behind everyone else today.

Just then, Pete doubled-back to check on me. That’s two in one day! Clearly this is not a good ride for me. I keep pedaling without a word. I’m not ready to talk and am still focusing on maintaining my composure to get me down the road. Pete silently fell in behind me and paced me. I didn't mention my shifting problems because I didn't want to get into the lack of weight loss I've seen. We rode along and took our usual breaks as needed. My back was hurting and my shoulders were tight. I had borrowed Mom's new Camelbak and on one of our breaks we realized that it may be too big for my torso as the shoulder straps were up and off of my shoulders. I talked through my thoughts of shortening my route and he confirmed my suspicion of the best way to do so. We parted ways as he went for the distance and I headed for the truck. It was then that I realized this "shortcut" would actually cut all of the hills and rough road out of the route. Silver lining!

I made my way back to the truck slower than I should have, but it was what I needed for the day. I took more breaks than I normally would and managed to beat the group back by only ten minutes. They did ten miles more than I did. Laura was amazed to see I had beaten her back and Pete pulled in another five minutes after the group. It was a rough ride for me, but I manged to not impact the group and I'm glad for that. So much for the sleek new Madone. I think the week off has me needing to build back up a little bit. I think too many things changed after a week off of the bike (new bike, new saddle, and new Camelbak.) I think I should have stayed with the shiny, new, blue, road bike for a week and then upgraded to the sleek new Madone. But, too late for that, so tomorrow is another day.

The group, including Laura, all went for a pasta and pizza lunch. It was a nice sealing of the peace treaty without the strain and pressure. I suspect we both came to the ride with some emotional baggage today and found one another as our outlets. It sucks, but there it is, and hopefully it’s behind us. Lesson learned today is that I do not ride well under emotional stress.

When we got home tonight, my new pink Ride Like a Girl! water bottle cages arrived! Pete put my new water bottle cages on the bike for me after dinner. When he did so, he noticed that the rear derailleur was off slightly and made the necessary adjustment. He brought the bike in to show me the new pink cages on the sleek new Madone and asked me if I'd been having trouble shifting. I sheepishly admitted that I had and he pointed out the issue and assured me it was now fixed. This throws my thinking about today's issues all out of psynch, but it's good news that it was the bike and not me. Guess I forgot the simple thing about a new bike taking some time as the cables stretch.

Goals
Today's Miles: 30.1
Total Miles Achieved: 679.4
Financial Investment: $1947.13
Total Weight Loss: 0